As women it is normal to be afraid to take risks. It's socially and genetically programmed into us. "Be a good girl.", "She's a sweet little girl.", "She never misbehaves." Our worth as females is socially tied to how obedient we are and how well we follow rules. Taking risks and making mistakes doesn't fit well into that picture!
Do it afraid, but do it smart.
It is ok to make mistakes. You will not break your dog if you make small frequent mistakes. In fact, without risk taking, you can get stuck in a place where you just don't progress.
I still remember one lovely student who called me upset because her reactive adolescent dog had a reaction towards a dog on the street. She was worried that her dog's progress was now set back by months! That's not the case. It's ok. Mistakes are a part of learning.
The key is to set yourself up that if you fail, the repercussions aren't that big. Turn your reactive dog loose in a dog park? Hell no! Walk your dog around the block? Maybe =) Drink tea with your dog on your front step and practice your training games? That is probably somewhere we can all start. And if that is too easy, maybe it is in the parking lot of a park or down the street from a vet clinic.
This is where I love the Deep Dives I am now offering. With daily feedback, I can help you break down the big challenges into pieces that work for you, for your unique situation. We need progress, but at a rate that allows failures to be not a big deal =)
Money is for men.
Did you know that it wasn't until 1964 that women weren't allowed to open a bank account without their husband's approval? Not married? Don't worry, a MALE relative like your father or brother can stand in. It wasn't until 1974 that women could open a credit card without their husband's permission.
This wasn't that long ago! This means that you, your mom, or your grandma were probably not allowed to be financially independent. Society, the government, and the law said that we can't make sound decisions.
Now that we have these rights, it is important to show everyone that we won't make mistakes right? Being afraid of making mistakes is socially programmed into us from a very young age.
What the hell has this got to do with dog training?
Well, I have been looking at my long term clients lately and the vast majority of you are women who are afraid of making mistakes. I have been reading and learning on how to help you better.
The social and genetic programming to not rock the boat, to be good, to be obedient, runs deep.
Take it slow, be kind to yourself, but take risks. It's really ok to fail as long as the failures aren't catastrophic. It is important to set boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable.
These are skills we need in order to help our dogs, and I bet it'll help us long term too. <3
Disclaimer
Although my audience is primarily women, I want any men reading that I know you have a lot of rough social and genetic programming too! Don't you dare feel emotions, and you had better take good care of everyone financially, or you aren't a good man. There's a whole lot of crap to unpack and un-program for you too!
And for anyone who doesn't fit into male or female roles, you still received the same social programming around one role or the other. Undoing all of this is going to take time.
Considering joining the next Deep Dive?
This is my super popular mentorship program in which I spend 8 weeks with a small group of people struggling with similar issues. This Deep Dive focuses on dogs who fight at home. Because this is a custom experience and I get to know each of you and your dogs intimately, space is limited to only 6 people.
